Temper tantrum is a common problem faced by parents.

" Rohana, a girl who just turned three, was brought in for a consultation as she had suddenly started throwing tantrums. She began a tantrum when something she was playing with could not do what she wanted it to do. She was on the edge of a tantrum all day. Parents could not understand how such a happy baby and toddler had become so difficult to manage. Nothing had changed in their family situation that could explain this transition."

A tantrum is an episode of extreme anger and frustration characterized by crying, screaming, and violent body motions, including throwing things, falling to the floor, and banging one's head, hands, and feet against the floor.

Tantrums, can occur by the age of 15 months, but are most frequent between the ages of two and four. All children have them at some point, and active, strong-willed youngsters may have as many as one or two a week. Generally, tantrums are an expression of frustration. Common reasons for throwing tantrums are ...

1. Children may be frustrated by their inability to perform an activity they are attempting.

2. Tantrums may also be an expression of disobedience. For example at bedtime, when children want to continue playing instead of going to bed.

3. Occasionally a tantrum may also be an attempt to gain attention from a parent or other caregiver.

4. Tantrum may be an attempt to manipulate the situation in some way.

5. Tantrum can also occur when the child I'd denied what he wants or desires.

What should be done to mitigate the tantrum.

1. Keep your cool. Take some deep breaths to calm yourself down. If you react in a low key way to the situation, it will resolve more easily.

2. The simple solution to temper tantrum is  known as the “tantrum spot". Tell your child that her temper tantrums are very special things and need a very special place. Select any relatively isolated place in the house, even a rug / mat. Speak to the child in calm voice when she is not throwing a tantrum, that there is a new rule she needs to follow. The new rule is that when she begins to have a tantrum, she will have to go to this new tantrum "spot". If she needs help getting there, the parent will help her reach the spot. On this spot allow your child to throw tantrums as long and as loud as she wants but  do not allow her to leave the spot until she stops.  At first, she is probably going to come out of her tantrum spot before her tantrum has completely run its course. In that event, just calmly put her back, reminding her of the new rule.

3. Aside from taking any measures needed to prevent danger to children, parents should try to ignore the tantrum and let it run its course.

4. Set a limit. It's important to teach your young child that physical violence is not an acceptable way to express herself. You might say, “There is no kicking. We don't hurt anyone in our family.”

5. If the upset has occurred over refusal of child's demand, it is tempting to give in to the child's wishes, but doing so can be harmful because it teaches children that they can get what they want by having a tantrum.

6. Find an alternative solution, whenever possible. For instance,you can offer some carrot sticks instead of chips.

7. Frequently, tantrums occur in a public place, which is especially unsettling for parents. In spite of their embarrassment, parents should treat a public tantrum in essentially the same way they treat one at home. Whenever possible, they should remove the child to some other private space to avoid inconveniencing others and attracting any more unwelcome attention, after which they should ignore the tantrum and let it run its course.

8. Parents should be alert to certain danger signs that can flare the possibility of tantrum especially fatigue, hunger and irritability.

9. Preparing the child in advance about the transition. If you know it is hard for your child to leave the park and she will tantrum, give her warnings: 5 minutes, three minutes and one minute. Then say, “Three more pushes and we have to go.” This gives her the opportunity to begin to let go of the park on her own.

Parents need to remember that almost all children go through this phase during which children  throw lots of tantrums. Why? Because they believe that what they want, they deserve to have. The real challenge of parenting is that of patiently, lovingly and purposefully teaching a child that reality is not going to cooperate with that self obsessive fantasy. Parents who fail this challenge are in for a long drawn disciplinary battle with their child. The important thing is that parents  act resolutely so as to send the clear message to the child that his tantrums are not going to determine how the world works.